walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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