I'm jealous of your bromance
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
