Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
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I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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