my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
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