All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
you win again, gameday.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
