so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
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I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
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I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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