During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You have to summon your inner elephant
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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