She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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