I'm passing your future prison.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
