I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
