I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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