why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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