If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
