If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
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when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
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I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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