You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
