we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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