if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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