Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
