I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
