I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
