My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Can I color on your dick again?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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