What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
