Me too!
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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