??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I understand Curling. That high.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
