dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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