it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
