i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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