ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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