Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
