So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
