ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
