He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
This beer is not sobering me up at all
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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