Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
