i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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