it hurts more in the daytime
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
