god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
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He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
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Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.