You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.