I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.