Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.

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(212): View more from New York

where am i from again

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(+34): View more from Spain

what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30

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(330): View more from Ohio

I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".

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17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Read it at the TFLN blog
(301): View more from Maryland

Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.

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(561): View more from Florida

We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?

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(214): View more from Texas

So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.

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(304): View more from West Virginia

You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.

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(802): View more from Vermont

I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!

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