What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
21 Texts That Prove All the Magic Happens in Parking Lots
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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