no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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