He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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