You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
