sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
