I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
