Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
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