I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
