went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Randomize
