it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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