I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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