dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
