I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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