Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
