Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
