i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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