I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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