hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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