i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
