so that wasnt chicken after all
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
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