Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
40s are totally the cure
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
