I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
