Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
