It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
