God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
