We won't sleep together?
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
