good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
