i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
