Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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