Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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