her vagine was all disorganized.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
