She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
