Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
