Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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