JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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