its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
