Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
