Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
