Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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