reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
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I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
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It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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