did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Found the puke drawer
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
