he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
