Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
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