i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
