You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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