you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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