he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize