handjob tips. give me some.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
