so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
