No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
