I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I think people are normalizing furries
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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